Encyclopedia of Mollie: B

The Encyclopedia of Mollie

Volume B

Baby-Rabies:

"The name given to the lapse of sanity in which a person feels that s/he absolutely MUST have a baby in the very near future, and will often go to great lengths to get pregnant and will bitch constantly about wanting a baby in the meantime" (Urban Dictionary).
I came across this term on a blog one day last spring. I think it was a knitting or craft site, and there was a picture of a little baby in a knitted something. One of the commenters wrote "Oh my god so cute! You've just activated my baby-rabies!" I found the above definition on Urban Dictionary, and it was just too perfect. 

Hello, my name is Mollie, and I have Baby-Rabies. I have been suffering since the age of 18, when I first time held a 2 week-old named Felicia. My symptoms include a fixed stare, dilated pupils, and an irregularly rhythmic uterus (as in "My uterus just skipped a beat"). I also have a history of kidnapping threats and falling sleep with babies on top of me.

There are several treatment options, which include but are not limited to: becoming a full-time nanny to several unruly children; living next-door to your niece/nephew; having a baby. Please note: the third option is supposedly permanent. 

Bed:

I love bed. Just in general. All my favorite things involve bed: sleeping, snuggling, pillows, quilts, oftentimes breakfast. The best parts of my day usually include: the moment my husband gets up, and I roll over and still his pillow; when I come out of the bathroom in the morning and Puppy is sleeping in the middle of the bed, doesn't move her body at all, but looks up at me and starts wagging (translation: "Bed is too comfy to move, but I acknowledge and love you, therefore I wag my tail"); and when I get into bed at night, Puppy jumps up and smooshes herself under my armpit and puts her face on my belly; and, lately, baby moves a lot when I first get into bed at night.

I also bought a grown-up bed from IKEA this year, and it's the shit.

Birthdays:

May I curse for a moment? I FUCKING LOVE MY BIRTHDAY!!!!! It's just the greatest day ever. I mean, come on. When else is it ALL ABOUT ME?!?!?! And I'm not normally a selfish person. I'm a giver, I care more about everyone else's feelings than my own, I could spend all day helping someone else and never once think of myself . . . but on my birthday . . . 

Let's take a walk down memory lane, shall we?

2002 (19 years old). We stop a family Christmas party to sing Happy Birthday to me. I sing the loudest.

2004 (21 years old). That's me with a tiara.

2006 (23 years old). That's me with my girlfriends at Applebee's. I called ahead so we could get our favorite waiter.

2008 (25 years old). That's me dragging my girlfriends ice-skating, outside, in January.

2009 (26 years old). That's me at Karaoke, singing someone else's song, cause dammit it was my birthday.

2010 (27 years old). Burger Joint and Crumbs cupcake, because dammit, it was my birthday and that's what I wanted.

2010 (28 years old). Fondue night, because dammit, it was my birthday and baby wanted cheese.

To be fair, I also love other people's birthdays as much as my own.

What's funny though is that while I make a HUGE deal about my birthday (oftentimes screaming, "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!"), I'm always surprised when people give me presents. Chris has commented, "I don't understand how a husband could forget his wife's birthday. You never shut up about yours."

Business of Being Born, The:

I'm not exaggerating when I say this movie changed my life. My dear friend from Public Health Doula invited me to a showing at the IFC theatre one day a few years ago. She has been my biggest "Why aren't you a doula yet?" fan, and often my go-to person for all questions pregnancy/birth.

This documentary follows a few women and a midwife as they plan to birth at home. It goes into some history about Obstetric care in the US and explains many of the issues facing women in labor today. It's empowering and terrifying at the same time. I recommend it to everyone, EVERYONE, who will ever have a baby or who will know someone who will every have a baby (so basically, everyone).

I have had three distinct reactions to this movie (I have watched it probably 4 or 5 times). First, outrage. The "How did I not know this?!" sort of outrage, which sends me fishing for more information and spouting to everyone I know the dangers of unnecessary interventions in birth. Second, concern and education. I sat my husband down to watch this movie, just so he could understand where I was coming from. I recommend it less from a "what an outrage" place and more from a "you probably don't know that you don't know this" place. Third, horror. It's like watching a slasher movie for me right now. I will be giving birth in a hospital (though if I had my way, I'd be at home), and the fear that they're just going to cut me open chills me to my core. I may end up being one of those woman laboring in the parking lot, just so they don't have a chance to hook me up to anything.

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