Monday, August 18, 2014

Burnt Out Wonder Woman

I've also been searching for the perfect Burnt Out Wonder Woman meme, where we see her the day AFTER being so Wonder-ful, saving the day and taking care of shit. Cause the next day I'm sure she's totally strung out and can't seem to form a complete thought, get anyone dressed, or feed them anything remotely resembling food.

The past few weeks have felt like that -- alternating between being a kick-ass multi-tasker and a bumbling bag lady still in her PJs at 11am ... ok 5pm. It seems I can never quite find that middle ground, that happy medium between productive and relaxed, where the house is clean but not obsessive, the parenting is "just right" -- good enough, because anything more than that is, let's be honest, lost on the 3 year old.

No, I'm only ever at one extreme or the other. Let's take last week. Freelance gig revved into high gear and I did 20 hours of work from my kitchen table; D's wedding handkerchiefs are due oh so very soon that I'm pressing and hemming fabric next to my laptop while simultaneously rendering said freelance gig; Newborn Care class on Saturday meant I was finalizing the lesson plan and practicing the lesson with the child (luckily, bathing and diapering a baby doll is the same as 'playing', so 2 birds); and Etsy is doing very nice things for me lately, so DURING class on Saturday I got an order for a Notre Dame Baby Sweater (Go Irish, indeed). Also, you know parenting. And general self-care. And the keeping of the house. My husband said that he wouldn't let me become a "home-maker", which is why, I think, he's so willing to take the kiddo (and the dog) away on Saturday mornings so I can teach class. And some weeks I'm totally on top of things like dinner -- remembering to defrost something deserves a freaking medal. And when I set up activities for the child, I'm all "give me a mom of the year award, please".

But more often than not, those weeks when I do 3 out of 7 of my jobs at once (freelance TV planner, Childbirth Educator, Knitter/home-made wedding favor-maker), the last four (house-keeper, mother, wife, self) usually get thrown to the back-burner and left to boil over/burn/curdle. I let the kid watch movies all day, I don't shower to eat anything good, and we have pasta and meatballs for dinner -- and don't get me wrong, pasta and meatballs are awesome, so I'm usually not too worried about that one. It's when the kid eats cereal for the 5 meals and snacks leading up to pasta and meatballs that I start of feel guilty.

Oh the guilt. Really, it's when I let any of these 7 jobs slide. I feel like I'm not networking my classes enough, I'm not getting D's handkercheifs done fast enough. And heaven forbid I take a day/night off to just chill out with a book. And it's all me ... no one else is putting pressure on me except me. But I'm a bitch, so when I do it it's totally not in a nice way.

But the alternative is actually DOING all 7 of the jobs, after which I am so burnt out that I can't do ANY of them. Cue mom and kid in their jammies all day, effing around on facebook. Aaaaaand cue more guilt.

Maybe more lists is the answer?